My people, na wah o! You don ever see as Nigerians dey take this pepper mata serious? No be small thing at all. If you no sabi chop pepper, my brother, my sister, wahala dey your side o! As dem dey talk, “Na pepper dey make food dey sweet!” No be joke at all.
For we Naija pipu, pepper no be just condiment, na part of our culture. If you siddon for any Naija mama kitchen, wetin you go see? Pepper everywhere! Red pepper, yellow pepper, green pepper, even that small one wey if e touch your eye ehn—the one wey dey burn like fire! E get why dem dey call am “ata gbono” sef. That one, if e touch your eye by mistake, na for hospital you go land!
But some people still dey fear pepper like say na masquerade. Abeg, if you dey fear pepper, how you go fit chop suya, nkwobi, or even Oron pepper soup for woman wey jus born? For this country, e be like say na pepper dey make food dey complete. E dey ginger spirit, make persin dey feel like say we fit fight anybody, anytime.
You see pepper, e no get friend! E no dey look face, whether you be rich man, poor man, small pikin, or elder wey don dey for village since nineteen-gboboro. If e enter your throat, e go remind you say life no be beans. And if you no strong, e fit make you see wetin you no suppose see.
Sometimes, e go be like say person dey use pepper take do revenge. You go hear story of how one mama cook stew for house, everybody dey chop, dey smile. Then one visitor wey no dey chop pepper come waka enter. As e carry spoon put for mouth, na so e begin sweat like who dem pour water. E go dey find water like say water dey miss for Nigeria.
The Wahala of “No-Pepper Gang”
If you belong to the “No-Pepper Gang”, my dear, make I no lie you, life go hard small. Imagine say you dey party, dem serve one correct jollof rice wey dey red like danger sign. You carry fork enter am, thinking say you dey chop normal jollof, but you no know say na pepper festival dey inside your mouth. Na so you go begin do like say your head wan burst. Dem go even dey ask you, “Wetin happen?” You go just dey shake head, dey talk say, “Nothing, I dey okay,” but inside your mind, you dey curse the cook wey put all the pepper for your food.
Even for relationship, wahala dey if you no sabi chop pepper. If your partner love pepper well-well and you no fit chop, e fit affect una love life o. Imagine say una go date, and dem order pepper soup. Your partner dey enjoy, dey lick mouth, but you dey there dey fight cry, dey ask God why. How you go impress your in-laws if you no fit chop peppery egusi or ofada stew? Abeg, pepper no dey respect anybody o!
Some people dey talk say pepper na medicine. Dem talk say e dey cure cold, dey help digestion, even dey clear blocked nose. If you get catarrh, just chop pepper soup. Before you know, all your nose go dey run like who dem thief money from. Some elders even believe say pepper dey ward off evil spirit. Dem go tell you say, “If you chop pepper well, no evil spirit fit near you.” Who know if na true? But one thing dey sure, any evil spirit wey chop Nigerian pepper fit no survive am.
If you no sabi chop pepper, abeg, no fear. E get as you fit take start. Small-small, you go dey add am to your food. Today, you fit put one ata rodo inside your stew. Tomorrow, add small black pepper. Before you know, your body go don strong, and you go fit chop pepper anyhow. Na step by step.
No forget, practice makes perfect. If you dey go pepper festival, carry water follow body, just in case. Start with small quantity, then you go dey increase am. Before you know, you go become pepper master. You go fit chop pepper anyhow, anywhere, anytime.
You never hear story of how pepper take scatter people yansh before? E get one time wey one oyinbo man come Nigeria, dem tell am say, “Oga, this one na small pepper soup o.” Oyinbo no know say our pepper no dey look face, e no dey fear anybody. Oga carry big spoon chop one plate of pepper soup finish. Na so e begin cry. E dey shout, “Water, water!” Dem give am water, e drink finish. The next thing wey we hear na say, oga don go toilet. For one week, e no comot for house. Pepper fit humble anybody, I tell you.
So, my people, make we no lie ourselves, pepper na our national pride. If you no sabi chop pepper, abeg, try dey learn. Pepper dey make our food dey unique, dey give am that taste wey you no go fit see for anywhere. E dey make us dey proud as Nigerians. So next time wey you see pepper, no fear am. Embrace am, make e be your friend. Who know? One day, you fit become pepper champion for your area.
Wahala for who no sabi chop pepper, but greater wahala for who no dey try. As we dey talk am for this side, if you no fit stand the heat, commot for kitchen! But if you fit stand am, then welcome to the club. Na we dey reign. Pepper gang for life!
Remember, na who chop pepper sabi. And if you dey fear, no worry, we dey here to guide you. After all, pepper no dey kill person; e just dey show you say you still dey alive. Chop life, chop pepper!
