Ah, the coastal buses of Nyanya-Mararaba-Ado popularly refered to as “ALONG” where chaos reigns supreme and commuting becomes an extreme sport. If you’re new to this iconic Nigerian experience, fear not! Here’s your indispensable guide to navigating the unwritten rules of public transportation etiquette.
1. Bagging the Best Spot
Forget the cramped confines inside; true along veterans know where the action is. But wait, there’s an art to it! Secure your place early, preferably before the bus even arrives. Be prepared to jostle with fellow passengers and assert your dominance over that prime spot near the edge where the wind slaps your face like a high-five.
2. The Seating Hierarchy Inside
For those unlucky enough to miss their desired seats, fear not – inside, there’s a strategic seating hierarchy. The coveted spots near the windows offer a breathtaking view of the street markets and occasional acrobatic performances at traffic lights. Middle seats are for the faint-hearted; the back seats, well, they come with complimentary thrills as you bounce like a ragdoll over potholes.
3. Mastering the Art of Eye Contact Avoidance
Eye contact with the conductor is a rookie mistake. It’s akin to inviting the gaze of a mythical creature that demands fare payment in exact change. Maintain a steely focus on your phone or the back of the head of the person in front of you. Pretend to be engrossed in calculating quantum physics; anything to avoid the dreaded exchange of money.
4. Embracing Personal Space (or Lack Thereof)
In along etiquette, personal space is a luxury, much like finding a unicorn in a traffic jam. Embrace the intimacy of being pressed against strangers; it builds character. Shoulders touching? Fantastic! Embrace the camaraderie and remember, it’s a bonding experience.
5. Dancing to the Rhythm of Nigerian Jams
Ah, the music – a blend of Nigerian hits, prayer sermons, and occasional political commentary. Resist the urge to cover your ears; instead, join in the chorus of “Oga Driver, no rush us, abeg!” Let the music move you, literally and figuratively.
6. Navigating the “Emergency” Stops
When nature calls, the public transportation offers a unique challenge. Timing is everything; wait for a particularly spirited pothole or a sudden swerve. Then, make your move – shout “driver, stop o!” and pray he hears you over the cacophony of horns and gospel music. Bonus points for gracefully hurdling over market women’s baskets to reach the door.
7. Exiting with Flair
Exiting along is an art form. Time your departure with the precision of a Swiss watch. Anticipate the stop by at least three blocks. Summon your inner sprinter and launch yourself towards the exit, dodging limbs and stray merchandise. Bonus style points for executing a perfect three-point landing.
Surviving this experience isn’t for the faint-hearted. It’s a rite of passage, a crash course in Lagosian resilience. Embrace the chaos, cherish the memories, and remember – there’s no place quite like this.
